Well we did it! What a fantastic morning. Besides some pre-run nerves and an anxious wait in the line for the toilet we got there! To the start line that is! And check us out.... don't we all look so dapper in our matching tops!
L-R Sooz, Nicolle, Sarah, Me!
It was such a glorious day in Melbourne. The sun was out and we were all sooo pumped that the day had finally arrived. There were people everywhere, live music on every turn and crazy characters dressed up to the nines! It was awesome. I felt great running and had absolutely no problem with my kankle which was a relief. We all ran great times each one of us managing a PB. I got my text last night that confirmed I had smashed my goal of completing the 10km in under 60mins.
It was such an enjoyable run made great by an atmosphere that I had never experienced before. This was my biggest fun run yet. The last two kilometres were pretty tough but in the last stretch, I'd say the last km, the song from this you tube clip came on (see below). I had only just discovered this on Saturday night whilst searching for some new music for the run. It reminds me of my boyfriend and I. It's pretty much exact! He thinks so too - he keeps making reference to the metallic taste in his mouth! ha! So when this song came on I felt pretty inspired, especially as he was there at the home stretch to cheer me on... awwww barf! that's enough- promise! But it's pretty cute!
After the race we were given a showbag and a medal! YAY!!!! Evidence to one day show the grand-kids that I actually ran!! Susie and I were very lucky to be invited to use Runners World Magazines VIP tent (because we are subscribers- love the perks!) which meant we got some yummy sambo's and an awesome rub down/massage AND another show bag weeee! It was so good!
We ran this 10km not only for self achievement but for all the Animals out there that need homes or special care. I managed to raise $305 for the Lort Smith Animal Hospital and Sooz the bloody ledge raised about $600 which is awesome. We both love animals and so it feels pretty good to be able to do something like this for all the poor pooches and cats out there.
We celebrated with an yummy meal and loads of wine at the Coburg Post Office Hotel. There was no calorie counting allowed. But like I said, I'm back on track today. Feeling the best that I have in a long time, inspired by my own efforts and the awesome support of my friends! Woo friggin HOO!!! Life is great. I'll be back mid-week after I weigh-in!
Time to be totally and brutally honest. As an avid user of Twitter (follow me @emaja) I saw this from Miche on Wednesday....
Oh shit! She's watching me! Yep, smart cookie our Miche. What a co-inkydink! Right smackbang on lunch-time. What do I do? I'm not replying, no way. Even though I was eating soup. Nice healthy pumpkin soup. Homemade by yours truly. I could tell her that.... but I couldn't tell her about the massive seedy BD roll layered in butter on the plate next to it.... could I? But she'd banish me foe shizz.... BUSTED!!!!
But there's more. It's not always sunny in Durbs land and although I try my hardest to be uplifting and positive, sometimes things just suck and I'm hating big time on the world... So I guess it's time to be completely straight with you all.
It begins with this:
It's been two weeks since my last weigh in.
Gaaassssspppp! SAC-RILL-EGE! I know! Shit! But the scales haven't moved. Again! And for some crazy stupid reason, I cannot bring myself to type this into my stats page. Boy do I feel like a figgin loser. What the heck happened to me? Soz guys - I mean I am supposed to be the 'inspirational blogger', the friend with the success story. I have been people's motivation... and now, well now I'm a sorry loser that can't stick to her word...or her goals!
I flipped out guys. I totally flipped out. BUT WAIT - before I go on, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't want to hear an excuse offering. Do NOT be my enabler. I am very good at seeing beyond this and so back to my flip out.....
I didn't want to be told what I had to eat. I didn't want to feel like I 'had' to fit that gym session in, I didn't want to know that the chocolate bar that was entering my mouth was approx. 248 calories. I just didn't want to do anything. I wanted to deny and rebel. EF. EM. EL! I wanted to go out for dinner with my boyfriend - on a whim like we used to - like when we didn't plan our meals each week and we'd enjoy really nice wine and be totally relaxed and not think about all those calories or about how much exercise I'd have to do to burn it off. I wanted to talk about something other than my running and how many kilometres I'd have to do this week to beat last week's effort and OH EM GEE!!! Shut up! Shut Up!
SHHHUUUTTT UPPPP!!!!!
Total. Flipout.
So I didn't. I didn't do my 12WBT shop this week. I didn't do my big 'Sunday Adventure Run'. I didn't weigh in. And you know what. The world didn't come to an end. But you know what else? It wasn't any awesomer either. I got totally drunk on Saturday night - it was fun, but then I felt totes crappola on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. And now, well now, I want back in. Because, all of those things that I didn't want last week, I didn't really not want them. Make sense???? Perhaps it was just my inner 16yo coming back to haunt myself for all the damage I did to my parents back in the day. Because now I like exercise. I remember now that I don't like feeling like crap. Duh, go figure hey. But I don't, really don't, so what the hell was I whinging about? This time I am back on the horse. This time- for reals.
And then this happened.
No, this is not a photo of my totally awesome new shoes... (well it is, but there's also another purpose to this shot). It's a photo of my Big Fat Kankle (BFK). Seriously? Like WTF? 500m into my 'return to regime' run and I roll my ankle. Not on anything, just decided to roll out. Great. God got me. Out to teach me a lesson. I cry. Five days before Run Melbourne. Five days before the day that I have been preparing for over the last 3 months. ARE YOU FROM SERIA????? I don't deserve this do I????
So since this incident all I have really wanted to do is go for a run. I've seen other runners this week and I can't help but want to be out there with them, doing some last chance training before Sunday.
I said to my mum the other day... "this must be what Olympians feel like" and she was like "Emma, they're totally different" and I was like "No! It's exactly the same!" SO I am going to run on Sunday, I've got my little survival pack to get me through....
So there we go guys. It's really hard for me too, keeping on track really does require hard work and dedication. I just think that my body and mind have been through so much lately. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm going to just friggin do it! Best of luck to everyone running on Sunday. See you there!!
I have the morning off! Which is great news for everyone really. I never thought I'd get around to writing a blog entry this week, I am just so flat out!....I have had a whole years worth of invoicing to do over the weekend and I only just finished last night - I am a women of many talents - accountancy is not one of them (see exhibit A: my credit card).
Anywho, so back to why this is great. It means that I can share with you a delishhhh breakfast recipe that I have been trialling all week - well, by all week I mean since the girls and I went out for breakfast on Sunday. Gone are the days of ordering the BIG DADDY B'fast, the pancakes with maple syrup and ice-cream or the traditional fry up served with a bloody mary, followed by a beer - and it all begins again..... It's now all about finding the right fuel after a kick-ass workout. My o my how life has changed. Now I choose Porridge! (Man I sound like a cheeseball). It's sooo damn hard to get the words out of my mouth when all I really want to order is a crunchy pile of bacon on a chunky piece of sourdough. But I do, and I pray to god the chef doesn't disappoint me. I could possibly cry. But this porridge was amaze and the cause of some serious food envy. Which increased it's value to me. And so because it was so good, I wanted to share it with you - my own similar version. I didn't have any pears in the fridge so I have replaced them with some mixed berries and it's still Yummo! Looks pretty good hey!
Durbs' Porridge Treat
RECIPE: APPROX 199kcal
20g rolled oats
1/2 cup Water
1/4 cup frozen mixed berries
1 Medjool date (roughly chopped)
6 almonds (chopped & roasted in oven for 8mins)
1/2 tsp honey
2tsp LSA Mix - **see note
Place oats and water in a saucepan on stove top. Stir regularly until mixture starts to bubble and then reduce the heat. If the oats seem too thick then add more water. After 5 mins add the mixed berries and date. Do not over stir but stir enough so that the oats don't stick to the pan. Test the consistency of the oats. If they are soft enough and to your liking then remove them from heat and spoon into serving bowl. Add a sprinkle of LSA mix over the top and add the almonds. Drizzle with the small amount of honey and WOLLAH! EAT! yummmm.
**LSA is a ground mix of Linseed Sunflower Seeds and Almonds. It is great on cereals and is said to be beneficial for the liver. I like it because I love nuts! But he calories are hard to control. So having LSA means I won't sit there and eat the whole bag. You can get it in the health food section of supermarkets.
Ok, now moving as far off the topic of food as you can possibly imagine, I need to tell you something. So if you are eating. STOP. I'm trying to be polite here. So do what I say. Ok, we clear? Alright.... here goes.
On Monday I had a full body cleanse. In the morning I cleansed my mind by attending my final hypnotherapy session. Still going strong - no fags for 16 DAYS and I'm feeling pretty confident.
Then I shot off to have an internal cleanse ... more to the point... a bum cleanse. Yep. That's right, you heard it. I HAD TO! You see, since giving up the dirty fags I've told you that I've had a bit of trouble going to the toilet, and well, Sarah suggested I go get Colonic Hydration (or irrigation- but hydration sounds so much nicer). I'm not going to go into any details but I will admit that it was very relieving... as you would imagine. I had to detox a couple of days beforehand to make the experience more pleasant. That meant no complex carbs, no red meat and no dairy. WOW, I thought Miche had me thinking about everything I put in my mouth, BUT THIS, this was H.A.R.D. So naturally I turned to GOOGLE to do a little research about raw foods and after stumbling across a few websites I must say, some of the stuff doesn't look to bad. My curiosity has grown and I think I will continue to experiment with some recipes. Like check out this one. I found it on this great website called "The Healthy Chef" - this looks sooo yummy I can't wait to try it. It's called the Detox Energy Salad. I also want to try making some fresh 'green' juices too. My body is gonna love me by the end of the year!
The Healthy Chef (www.thehealthychef.com)
The Naturopath suggested that I continue to detox for the next few days because my body will still be feeling drained. Did I listen? No. I succumbed to the cravings for bread and now I am regretting it. Feeling like crappppp! So because I have the time I will re-group today. Do some reading and catch up on the 12WBT videos. I find they tend to perk me up when I'm in need.
And finally I had a muscle and skin cleanse at Bikram. Total sweat box! Sarah came down too. I recently read somewhere, probs Runners World or Womens Health, that yoga can help heaps with running.... it's helping me lots with my recovery.
Well I hope you have all had a great week. I cannot believe that we are in week 5 already. Only 7 weeks to go! WOW I need to pull my finger out if I want to lose these kilo's.
I'll leave you with my positives and negatives for the week and of course my Power Song choice for what has been a cold, rainy and miserable few days in Melbs.
High fives to: yummy porridge, green foods, clear passages. Friends that are inspired and admired, breaking records and making milestones. Achieving goals and making new ones.
Kiss my butt to: enablers and being unhappy, paperwork and rain. Negative Nelly's and a brain that won't train.
Power Song! So check it. How's this for a flashback- and my how appropriate it is! I figured it was time I broke away from the "yo yo yo" music as to appeal to a wider audience ;).
I remember going crazy to this song at Meredith Music Festival about 4 years ago. Belting out the chorus - AND it works whilst running too!!!! I hope you like it. I'm amazed how pumped it made me feel! hope you likey
My blog got choe-zen..... I lost some kay-geeze.....
today is oar-summm!
Thanks the lords above for some P.O.S.I.T.I.V.I.T.Y Finally. I was starting to think that giving up the ciggies was a mistake..... JOKES! gotcha- as if! Best move ever, although there gave been some interesting side effects- which I will get to later. First let me gloat a little... WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I can't believe it.
I started this blog shortly after the finalé workout. It's purpose was, and still is, to keep me accountable. It is also to share my experiences and stories and hopefully motivate and encourage my besties who had just come onboard for Round 2. AND NOW, well you all get a little piece of me! YAY I mean you may as well take it now because in 8 weeks there just won't be enough of me goin' round (if all goes to plan). So if you are a new visitor WELCOME and thanks for stopping by. I hope you can take something from this blog, even if it's just one of my heaps cool work-out tune suggestions. Also, thanks for those peeps out there that nominated me! I know who you are and I send virtual hugs your way.
Anywho, I better get on with it. I feel that there's just so much to get through this week.
Alrighty....so WIW. After last weeks poor results (with reason) I was determined to get those scales back to 75kg. Sorted out my exercise planner and promised myself to eat clean and burn some serious calories. So all was going to plan until I decided to take a sneaky peek on the scales on Sunday (come on I know I'm not the only one who does this).... WTF My weight had now rocketed to 78.2kg. Seriously? My heart sank. What the crap was going on?
Well that's exactly it, the crap wasn't going on. But this wasn't obvious to me until I tried to do the big Adventure Run on Sunday. Pumped for a 10km trail run around Studley Park and the Yarra, I intially felt really good. Unfortunately once I started running I felt soooo uncomfortable. I tried to push through the pain, even took a sneaky squat in the bush thinking that this would be the cure... NUP. I really couldn't do it. It was just me and Sarah because Susie was overseas (bayitch). It was a tough run to begin with - loads of hills, but I really wanted to push myself and get those calories burnt and my milage up. But it was just too tough. We cut the run short and power walked the rest of the way, not once did Sarah give me hell for giving up. Love that chick! Check Sarsie out below It was such a beautiful morning besides all my troubles. This was taken at the top of Studley Park- nice little view of the city in the background.
Anywho, back to the story - I really couldn't run anymore. And Sarah, the smart cookie, pointed it all out, "No Coffee? No Ciggies? It kind of makes sense Em if you think about it" OMGEEE, no wonder!
So, to cut a long story short and spare you of all the gorey details, (lets just say I succumbed to the Coffee's for medicinal purposes). I am slowly getting back into gear. I did another Bikram class on Monday for some more quality stretching and detoxing....AND YAY I weighed in this morning back at 75.2kg. Weeeeee.
Also, after waking up to hear that my blog was nominated "Inspirational" by Miche and the 12WBT team, I practically jumped into my runners and headed out the door. I needed to smash out a big run and today was gonna be the day. It had to be. I was nervous as hell that I wouldn't be able to do it again - but success and a distance of 11km's- my furthest to date.
Today's run was a goodie. Great little path from Carlton, through the Fitzroy Gardens, to the Tan and back. Check out the route below.
And now onto this week's tune.....
Sarah's fiancé is a DJ, so naturally it's important for me to play it cool when she asks me about the type of music I listen to when I'm running.
Sarah: "So if you want Jimbob (that's her Beyonce) to hook you up with some tunes let me know"
ME: Oh yeah cool what like?
Sarah: "Well you want some dub-acid-electro-lounge...." BLUR Crrrrrsh Crrrrr Durbs officially tuning out
ME: "Sure"
Um what? Like am I that uncool that I have no idea what the music she speaks of is like? As you may have gathered from my Power Song suggestions. I like things that have a really good beat- I know the kewl kids call it Bass. This weeks power song is full of BASS and I may have been busted swinging my knees doing the bop - otherwise known as "gettin my swagger on"(once you hear the song you'll get what I'm saying) at the trafic lights in Collingwood. If only I had my baggy jeans, I would have been all over it!
I hope this sudden urge to eat everything that is put in front of me ends pretty soon. I left my weigh in until this morning which is probably a bad idea. Since quitting the dirty fags (it's been 4 days now) I have had a sudden urge to put food in my mouth- at every spare moment. CRAP. As a 12WBT'er, this is not ideal. BUT, I know food is not the greater enemy and I need to tell myself that I can do this without putting on any kg's. SO, off I go to hit those scales. I have no doubt there will be an increase.... booooo If there is, this blog entry will become filled with affirmations and all those other soul cleansing, hippy like, mantra humming things you can do to get yourself back on track!
Yep as I suspected. UP I GO! Mothertrucker! Urgh. I am just so angry at myself for allowing my head to think that this would be okay. It's not okay. I have worked too hard to lose this weight to just allow it to creep back up again like that.
It's time to be clean!!!!! It's time to set some new goals and it's time to lose this weight again. I have to do this by next week. 1.5kgs. I'm aiming for it. Eating absolutely clean and increasing exercise to burn 600 kcals X 5 days and 1000kcals X 1 day. That's 6 days till next weigh in. I can do this!
How am I going to do this?
Well I have just re-drawn my little calendar. Stuck it up on the cupboard and drilled it into my brain!!!! My rest day is Saturday, due to work commitments but I think I'll manage to go and smash out my SSS. I'll admit I never did them last round but I am loving them so far. They are such a great challenge and great to compare from previous weeks how far we have come in such a short time
Another thing is I need to really control what is going into my mouth!!!. I'm actually feeling OK about the non-smoking thing. So I think I am ready to control this whole hand to mouth disease I've got happening. MANTRA: it's 80% food and 20% exercise - don't let this disease control your win!
AFFIRMATION: To my body - I will not harm you anymore, I will not treat you like a garbage truck. I have your back!
So off the track a little but back onto the whole 'hippy' thang. I went back to Yoga on Monday in attempt to cleanse and detox that dirty rotten nicotine outta my body (and also to stretch my tender muscles). Bloody LOVE yoga. Well not whilst I'm doing it. But definitely afterwards. I go to Bikram Yoga in Fitzroy. Which is hot yoga. AND YOU SWEAT!!! like a mother! But it's sooo good because you really fell the grosseness coming out of your pores and your skin just glows afterwards! I first went to Bikram at the beginning of the year. They do a deal 'as many classes in 10 days for $19'. So I did 5 in a row. Soooo good. And I became what you call a Yogi. Talkin the yoga talk. Drinking my coconut water. ALL OVER IT! Anyway for those that know what I'm talking about, or those that have friends that are Yogi's then you'll get a bit of a laugh out of this....
AND finally POWER SONG!!!!
So who's into Nicki Minaj??? Heaps of running playlists I've found on Spotify love her too. She's such a cool chick and good to work out to. Here's one of many called Super Bass
I've had to come back overnight to write the update this one. WOW what a day. SOoo I got to the hypnotherapist and smoked like 5 ciggies on the way. Grosse, but feeling a little sad (weirdly) that they would be my last cigarettes. The Hypnosis experience itself was very calming. Before the session the doctor went into great detail about the health effects of smoking and exactly what it does to your body. He asked that I do several things to help the process be more successful which includes abstaining from chocolate and caffeine for three weeks. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????? He wants me to quit chocolate too? No-one said that this was part of the deal..... Once I agreed, reluctantly, he sat me in the typical 'hypnosis chair' and began talking some serious mumbojumbo. Five minutes later - done! wollah! cured! or was I???? Did anything happen just then? Was I hypnotised? Did it work?
I'm not sure. I haven't had a cigarette yet and I'm trying not to be skeptical. I left the doctor's feeling pretty good but I was hoping I'd be disgusted by the smell of stale cigarette smoke lingering in my car. Nope. Crap. I don't think it worked.
I feel that I'm requiring a lot more strength and willpower than I thought I would. I know that I need to allow my body to detox but I kind of wish it would be easier. I had to remove myself from public interaction last night as I could feel myself on edge, snappy and short with both my housemate and my boyfriend. I had a really bad nights sleep with restless legs which I believe is a result of craving tobacco. It will go it will go. I have to keep telling myself this.
Anyway, I know this update is all over the place, a bit scattered and perhaps ill-logic but that is exactly how my head is feeling at the moment. I am sure it will clear - without me requiring a cigarette.
Yep, right now this is the hardest thing I've had to admit on this blog, to my team mates and to Miche. You've seen photos of my fat booty, and the confessions of a chocolate binge. But, right now there's nothing that I feel more embarrassed or guilty about than admitting to my fellow 12WBT'rs and Miche that I am a dirty rotten fagger.
Can I hear the gasping? the shock, the look of filth on you face? Have you turned your nose up at me? Well I don't know if you have, but it seems that now that is exactly what I'm doing to myself. I'm disgusted. And I want nothing more right now than to be a non-smoker.
I have tried, unsuccessfully, to quit before but I guess I really never had such an incentive. Sure, I know the health risks. I'm not stupid. But I was about 15 years ago when I thought it was cool and I was young and impressionable. Now, things are different. During my first round of 12WBT it was all about loosing weight. For that reason, the increase in physical activity was not yet enough to make me consider giving up. I did not feel that it was holding me back enough and I also feared that if I did try, my dirty habit would be replaced by increased eating and snacking. It would be just too much to think about at once.
In this round of 12WBT however, my focus is on fitness. How on earth can a dirty smoker truly become fit? For the first time in my life I feel the effects of smoking. I feel it is holding me back. When running, I can't quite get that full breath of air when I need it. I gasp, followed by three sharp gasps to really get the air that I need. It's awful and I hate it. I really noticed it last Thursday night when the girls and I went off to do some hill sprints up Anderson street of the Tan. The idea is to sprint up the hill for 2 mins and then have a 3 min recovery. I zipped up that hill, no problem with speed and power, no pain in the legs BUT I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I could only go 1.5mins and then I had to stop because I really couldn't breath. It's disgusting! and right now, as I recall all this, it's also really upsetting.
So what am I going to do about it? I've tried patches, lozenges, cold turkey, I even tried reading that freaking book. FAIL. But at 10:30am today I am off to get hypnotised. Am I taking the easy way out? I don't give a crap. Will it even work? I don't know. But I know deep down I don't want to be a smoker.
I'm getting help and I'm scared sh*tless. I have been referred to this Doctor by people who have had success. I have no idea what to expect and my head feels like it's going to explode as I question how I am going to feel once it is over. I hope to god I don't feel like another cigarette and I hope I don't turn into a crazy moody biatch as I have on previous occasions when I have tried to quit.
I'm scared to make this post active before the session occurs. But my promise to you all at the beginning is that I'd be completely honest and open with you throughout this journey. This is part of my 12WBT journey. A very important part. It's about changing your life and becoming the best possible version of yourself. Taking this step means that I can be that person - fully. I also want to inspire others that may be in the same position as me - Held back by a dirty rotten habit that fails to offer any benefit to our lives, that we achieve nothing from, yet we continue to succumb to.
So I post. But will be back with an update later. Please don't think differently of me. I am trying, I'm embarrassed (I feel like I'm telling my mum for the first time).
